I remember the day I would actually be excited to turn a year older. Each year brought new possibilities, new abilities, more permission to do something I couldn't do the year before. With each new year as a child, I could cross the street by myself, come home after school instead of being baby sat. As a teen shave my legs, go into the city with my friends, stay out all night on prom night. As an adult drink legally, date, and all that fun stuff. With each birthday came a new freedom. When did that stop? When did that change? When did it turn from "the world is your oyster and you have all the time in the world to do EVERYTHING" to "Wow, you need to get cracking, time is ticking, you should have babies, you should get married. You know you're no spring chicken, you really need to grow up. What are you doing with your life? Stop wasting time. etc...." More importantly, why do we let it happen and how do we prevent it? I recently went on to a social network site I belong to and came upon a group created by people I went to high school with. Some of these people I knew from the halls or from classes.. the "cool" people? .... um, i guess. Anyway, i was looking at their profiles and their photo albums and some people are just..... WOW! There were a couple of girls that looked like they belonged in a porn movie... HOT! And the guys weren't bad either! All I could think was, " I went to school with these people??" But they look so different.... so mature.... like they've been around( OK, not in a bad way!).. and I still feel like a kid. I still feel like teenage me who couldn't stand other teens and who thought I was WAY more mature than everyone else. I still feel like I did when i was 17... 21...25....26...27...28...29..........ok, maybe not 29! Age is what you make of it.... age is a just a number.....you're only as old as you feel.... Age! What it really is, is a mental state and yeah your body goes along for the ride. It sweeps you up, like a wave.... you either let it carry you or fight the current. Which one will I do? AND what does that mean "let it carry you or fight the current?" I mean if I ride the wave does that mean just let it happen? Act the way a person my age is "supposed" to act? DO the things that people my age are "supposed " to do? Pop out a kid just because my eggs will dry up and the only way to feel like a woman is to make your body go through THE most grueling experience and then push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a....of a......VAGINA! OR do I fight the current and avoid all the things society tells me I am "supposed" to do and go on doing what I am doing now....whatever that is. Do I let the good ol' eggs dry up and fore go the "feminine experience" just because I don't want to be told what I SHOULD be doing b/c I am out of my 20's & it's time to "grow up". So, what does ride the wave or fight the current mean? Maybe it doesn't mean any of the above and I am just giving my fear an outlet and maybe I feel like if I did any of the things I think a 30something SHOULD be doing (b/c society says it and history too) then life as I have known it will be completely over and I will truly be an adult. Can someone hit me over the head please or shake me so I snap out of this ridiculous depression!! My life isn't over! So, what gives??? PS. I apologize for the bullshit you have just read! Life doesn't end at 30.. I know it's just a beginning of something great. BUT right now I am having a bit of an issue with myself. I need to re-connect and re-learn some things in order to make 30 a fawesome(F*&^ing + awesome) year!
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