How is it time just zooms by? When we are little, it takes forever. I remember sitting in class and looking out the window or looking at the clock and the day just dragging on.... 3 more hours til lunchtime/recess.... 3 more hours til i get to home.... 4 more days til Friday... uh! drag drag drag! Now, it's the extreme opposite. I find myself saying, " How is it noon?... Holy crap it's 5? How is it Friday???" It's funny sometimes. I mean who isn't happy to leave work at the end of the day or for the weekend, right? Well, there's a price to pay for that I guess.... when you start noticing grey hairs, or your joints & muscles aching, or you're just plain tired all the time.
Those things are normal I know and not as freaky to me as say seeing someone turn 21 when you changed their diapers and carried them as babies. THAT's freaky! And yes, it's happened to me! The worst thing though, is seeing the people you care about, your parents, their friends, your elders, growing older by the minute. WIth every birthday or New Year comes new aches, pains, injuries, diseases, surgeries, and death. How do we get to this point and how can we deal with seeing those people that once took care of us and protected us growing fragile and eventually dying? How do we prepare for that? Is there a way to prepare to lose your parents/granparents/aunts/uncles/friends,etc. And how does one, as an aging adult, say goodbye to their friends who are dying or sick?
We spend our whole lives trying to find people to relate to and some of us are lucky enough to find that community. What happens 30, 40, 50 years from now when that community starts dying one by one? That saying,"it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all", I don't know how I feel about it anymore. I mean, YES, it is better to have loved and lived than to hide your life away. OK, agreed! BUT when you are the one losing the people you love and you're left behind, alone, then what? Is it still better to have loved and lost and lived? Left with your memories, the voices of the past, and, for those people lucky enough to commune with the spirit world, left to communicate with souls... never to see their loved ones again or touch them.
LIFE.....
Sunrise
1 comment:
I remember when a relative passed that those same questions knocked around in my head constantly.
One friend, whom I agree completely with now, suggested that I videotape this person who was about to pass. Now, I constantly wish to hear this relative's voice. I can't remember it and that breaks my fuggin' heart 'cause I miss it.
Regardless and IMHO:
What's left seems to be memories and responses. You can sit and find out what changed in you because of this person. Know that either you have their blood running through you or their memories indelibly marked on your experience and your soul.
You are a different person now because of this person's place in your life no matter how debatable.
And really, since we are all little more than self-conscious and self-aware little squirrels (each waiting on the street corner and testing fate to see if we make it across This Time), this is beautiful and simple enough.
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